Best jokes ever

Girl: why am I still single? Brain: you're weird as shit. Body: and you're fat. Face: plus you're pretty ugly. Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you.
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More jokes about: women
Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?” Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
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More jokes about: school
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
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More jokes about: black humor, morbid
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, life, money
Q:Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven? A:Because seven ate nine.
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More jokes about: math
Nigel, a college student is talking to a friend. ‘Y’ know,’ he says. ‘I think my room-mate is queer.’ ‘Why d’you say that?’ asks the student. ‘Well,’ replies Nigel. ‘Every time I kiss him goodnight he shuts his eyes.’
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More jokes about: sex
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
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More jokes about: disgusting, time, wife, work
The anniversary of 9/11 approaches and I don't usually buy in to conspiracy theories, but did you spot that if you add 9 and 11 you get 20. And that is curiously the average IQ of an American
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More jokes about: racist
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
Vote: has 48.67 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A nigger was walking in the jungle when he saw a sexy woman that was fighting for her life with a giant snake. The Nigger quickly jumps and kills the snake. The woman says to him: You saved me! I am I magic fairy and I can grand you any wish. I would like you to make me white and put me between your legs. Then, the fairy made him into cotton wall tampon...
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More jokes about: black people