Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? Because she was trying to make up her mind.
He’s donating his body to science. And he’s preserving it in alcohol until they can use it.
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.
Yo' Mama is like a postage stamp: you lick, you stick, you send her away.
Yo' Mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles, it looks like her mouth is throwing gang signs.
Yo' Mama is so fat, the donut shop accused her of stealing their jelly rolls.
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
What's the difference between a man and an ox? Fifteen pounds and a six-pack.
Chuck Norris actually went to Rome by all roads. At the same time.