Chuck Norris can make a rock grow.
Chuck Norris had never escape from jail. Jail escapes from Chuck Norris.
Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test and failed.
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!
A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ? A: He elected to receive.
If Chuck Norris misses a roundhouse-kick, you will still die.
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
Yo mama so fat she puts insurance on her food.