Best jokes ever

Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
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HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl. He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said: "LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."
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English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
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More jokes about: car, death, military
What time is it when Chuck Norris knocks on your door? Too Late!
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What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.
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More jokes about: black humor
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
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A javelin thrower called Vicky Found the grip of her javelin sticky. When it came to the throw She couldn't let go. Making judging the distance quite tricky.
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More jokes about: athlete, poems
Two kittens on a sloped roof. Wchich one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.
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More jokes about: kitty, nerd
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
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More jokes about: dirty, Fathers day, marriage, sex