I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, "We have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets; Bell 2 rings, we slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we're on the trucks. From now on, we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make passionate love."
The next night, the fireman comes home from work and yells, "Bell 1!" His wife takes off her clothes.
"Bell 2," and his wife jumps into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to make love.
After two minutes, his wife yells, "Bell 4!"
"What's Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replies, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house?
A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
Yo mama so ugly when she tried to flirt her face went inside out.
Q: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?
A: Chuck Norris is clapping.
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The boogie man checks his closet at night for Chuck Norris.
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If Chuck Norris jumped off the Empire State Building, your mom would tell you to do it too.
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Dante's Inferno is based on a Nature Walk Chuck Norris once took.
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Q: What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
A: Egg-zosted!