All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.
A sargeant bawled out a rookie.
"Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?"
"Yep," the rookie answered.
"I think he must have left by one of the entrances!
After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Chuck Norris broke the world record for most punches in a minute with one roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris is an action verb.
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Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.