Yo mama so stupid, she dropped off her phone because it stopped.
Chuck Norris lives in a all white house with all white furniture and all white carpet.
Why?
Dirt knows better.
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What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
Once an email was sent from LA to Washington.
Chuck Stopped it at St. Louis.
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Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat?
A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
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Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
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Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's Chuck Norris waiting for you at the bottom.
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