Best jokes ever

Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, war
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, disgusting, sex
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired." Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone, technology
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, money