Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ? He had to work it out with a pencil...
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.