Chuck Norris can follow you into a revolving door and come out ahead of you.
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented his own brand of media disc. The Black and Blueray.
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.
The Holy Grail is in Chuck Norris's living room.
Q: What goes "oom... oom"? A: A cow walking backward!
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.