Best jokes ever

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
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Chuck Norris can see ultra-violet light.
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Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
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Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
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Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
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Yo mama's so fat, she walked across the dance-floor...and the band skipped!
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Q: How does a blonde order a root beer? A: Extra large, hold the roots.
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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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