Best jokes ever

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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Q: Why are black people getting stronger? A: TV's are getting heavier
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What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
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A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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More jokes about: black humor, cat
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
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Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Vote: has 44.74 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Vote: has 44.64 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sex, women
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. ” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
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More jokes about: car, school, student, weather