Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs?
A: An invalid.
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What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream.
Only Chuck Norris can cross the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond store.
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When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive.
The zombies do.
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Contrary to popular belief there was a Chuck Norris sighting on the set of The Crow.
No Lee is allowed to live when Chuck Norris is around.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear flowers in his hair when he goes to San Francisco, he wears poison ivy.
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There's a guy Who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher.
Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree.
Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him.
The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first.
But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again.
Suddenly, the two bears return.
But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talkin' bout- Bbrandon Delariva.
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Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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