Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Two random variables were talking in a bar.
They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.
What do you call 35,000 men with their hands up?
"Iraqi Army."
Q: What do you call the most powerful white man on the planet?
A: The President of the Unit...sh*t.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
Q: You know what would make America great again?
A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.
One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers penis.
He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car".
The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening.
He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room.
"OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.