The best alcohol jokes

Q: What's all over a clean nose? A: Fingerprints.
Vote:
has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
Vote:
has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor, life
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."
Vote:
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beauty, money, women
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it. He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
2 people walk into a bar. The third one ducked.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I gave up alcohol last year. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma." The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
<<<44454647
More jokes →
Page 44 of 59.