A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.
Liquor may be a slow poison, but who’s in a hurry?
Yo mama so fat she died.
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey?
A: Because it makes him mean!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says, "sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,"What did you do that for!?"
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?"
Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours.
It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka."
The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"
The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."