I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood." The second one says, "I'll have one, too." The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma." The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!
Dick goes into a rough bar and orders a drink. A man sidles up to him and says, ‘I can see you’re a stranger in here.’ ‘Why, yes,’ says Dick. ‘How could you tell?’ The man replies, ‘You’ve taken your hand off your glass.’
Harry, to Tom: ‘I went to the dentist this morning.’ Tom: ‘So does your tooth still hurt?’ Harry: ‘I don’t know; he kept it.’
He used to drink so much, Gordon’s thought he was a wholesaler.
It’s late evening and Tom’s wife catches him pouring six cans of lager down the toilet. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ she says. Tom replies, ‘Well, it seems a waste, but I thought it’d save me getting up in the night.’
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’