The best alcohol jokes

He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Liquor may be a slow poison, but who’s in a hurry?
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A bra and a set of jumper leads walked into a bar and asked for two tui's the bar man said"sorry i cant serve you." the bra and jumper leads answered back"why not" the bar man said"your off your tits and you lock like your about to start something".
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
Yo mama so fat she died.
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has 29.42 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, fat, insulting
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men, women
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,"What did you do that for!?"
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A grasshopper walks into a pub, pulls up a stool, and orders beer. The bartender gives him a mug and says, "you know, we have a drink named after you." And the grasshopper replies, "you have a drink named Bob?"
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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