The best alcohol jokes

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood." The second one says, "I'll have one, too." The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma." The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Harry, to Tom: ‘I went to the dentist this morning.’ Tom: ‘So does your tooth still hurt?’ Harry: ‘I don’t know; he kept it.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He used to drink so much, Gordon’s thought he was a wholesaler.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
It’s late evening and Tom’s wife catches him pouring six cans of lager down the toilet. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ she says. Tom replies, ‘Well, it seems a waste, but I thought it’d save me getting up in the night.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Tom is walking home from the pub late one night when he takes a short cut across a cow field. Halfway across he drops his hat. He has to try on fifty others before he finds it again.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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