The best alcohol jokes

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Harry, to Tom: ‘I went to the dentist this morning.’ Tom: ‘So does your tooth still hurt?’ Harry: ‘I don’t know; he kept it.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He used to drink so much, Gordon’s thought he was a wholesaler.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
It’s late evening and Tom’s wife catches him pouring six cans of lager down the toilet. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ she says. Tom replies, ‘Well, it seems a waste, but I thought it’d save me getting up in the night.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Tom is walking home from the pub late one night when he takes a short cut across a cow field. Halfway across he drops his hat. He has to try on fifty others before he finds it again.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.'
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has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away. 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. 3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him. 6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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has 28.82 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, stupid
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
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