The best alcohol jokes

"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" he asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death
A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in. Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?" "Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, pirate
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
What a barman! When I asked for something tall, cold and full of gin, he called his wife out.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He doesn’t like to drink. It’s just something to do while he gets drunk.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I drink to steady my nerves. Last night I got so steady I couldn’t move.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
It’s night and a drunk is crawling along the pavement looking for something. A passer-by offers to help and asks what’s missing. The drunk replies that he’s lost his watch. ‘And where abouts did you lose it?’ asks the passer-by. ‘About half a mile up the road,’ replies the drunk. ‘So why are you doing down here?’ asks the passer-by. The drunk replies, ‘Down here the lighting is better.’
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Why has Guinness got a white head on it? So when you’re drunk you know which end to start on.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He drank so much beer that when he ate a peanut you could hear the splash.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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