Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''
''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
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If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine.
He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself.
Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
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Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row.
The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.
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