Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig? Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!
A dog goes into a job centre and asks for employment. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a job at the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest. 1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room! 2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it. 3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2. Home he replied to shag the cat!
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.