Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shag the cat!
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The Moona Lisa.
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Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"?
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Teacher: No, that's wrong
Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
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A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!
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What’s the difference between goats and women??
Goats are always horney.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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