The best animal jokes

Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, life
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage
What’s the difference between a black and a white bull? The white bull does: “Mooo”. The black bull does: “Hey man, Mooo, man!”
Vote: has 47.79 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, racist
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
Vote: has 47.62 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, game, gay, sex
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, celebrity, love
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, war
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They re always switching their tails.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Vote: has 47.21 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, husband, marriage, wife
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids