A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Why did the frog go to the mall? Because he wanted to go hopping.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.
Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking: Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one. What did you do? Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.
The T. Rexes were all angry. You know why? Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands! How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate? That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct right there.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand? A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.