The best animal jokes

A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Vote:
has 44.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, birthday, music
Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers.
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<117118119120
More jokes →
Page 117 of 153.