Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."
Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
What do cows call Frank Sinatra? Old Moo Eyes.
What's a rabbits favorite TV show? Hoppy Days.
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.