Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers.
What kind of whale flies?
Pilot whales.
How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!
What color socks do bears wear?
(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
Vote:
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
Vote:
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"