It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.