There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!