What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?"
"No, of course not.
Now shut up and comb your face."
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
Vote:
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Vote:
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn.
He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat.
He could only take one across at a time.
He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn.
How did he get them all safely over the stream?
He took the goose over first and came back.
Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back.
Next he took the corn over.
He came back alone and took the goose.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area.
The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes.
They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license.
They ask to see his car and she asks why.
They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.