Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
Teacher: Give me an example of animal. Jimmy: Frog Teacher: Give me another. Jimmy: Another Frog.
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden. Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says: Mama, is that you?
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt? Tricera-bottoms.
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.