A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
What kind of car does a rabbit drive? A furrari.
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.