I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
Q: What is red and black?
A: A sunburnt zebra.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
Vote:
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.