The best animal jokes

‘Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
Vote:
has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, science
Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll.
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area. The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, car, cop, party
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, love
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Vote:
has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, teen
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Vote:
has 43.52 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.
Vote:
has 43.46 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Vote:
has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<120121122123
More jokes →
Page 120 of 152.