The best animal jokes

Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
Vote: has 43.52 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Vote: has 43.52 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 43.40 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Vote: has 43.39 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
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More jokes about: animal
Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
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The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, husband
What's three meters high and jumps every ten seconds? A dinosaur with the hiccups.
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What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal


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