Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some haywire!
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied.
"It's dead. It can't bother you now."
"The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said.
"It's his pallbearers."
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos?
Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts!
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.