The best animal jokes

A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."
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has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?" Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
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has 77.50 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
Ronnie goes to the auction. He notices a parrot that was on auction. Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50 Dollars Voice: 100 Dollars Ronnie: 200 Dollars Voice: 300 Dollars Ronnie: 400 Dollars Voice: 750 Dollars Ronnie: 800 Dollars Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold. Ronnie to the Auctioneer "I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it." Auctioneer Laughing: "Who do you think was Bidding against you.
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has 77.49 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, parrot
In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another. But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order. So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did… After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband… The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation. “You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah “I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”
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has 77.48 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, sex, wife
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
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has 77.45 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
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has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, sex
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
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has 77.04 % from 362 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him. "Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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has 76.84 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
"Pa's being chased by a bull!" "Well, what in tarnation do you want me to do about it?" "Get me some film for my camera."
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride!
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
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