The best animal jokes

Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
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has 76.81 % from 377 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him. "Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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has 76.75 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
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has 76.64 % from 402 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, sex
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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has 76.49 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
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has 76.46 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another. But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order. So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did… After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband… The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation. “You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah “I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”
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has 76.45 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, sex, wife
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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has 76.42 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
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has 76.35 % from 319 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, poems, ugly
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal
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