The best animal jokes

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
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has 76.49 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, birthday, parrot
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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has 76.45 % from 325 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
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has 76.40 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, chocolate, stupid
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
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has 75.82 % from 388 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
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has 75.77 % from 365 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, poems, ugly
A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
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has 75.75 % from 202 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
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