The best animal jokes

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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has 37.60 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
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has 37.45 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
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has 37.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
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has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
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has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
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has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, cop, women
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
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