Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.
What do ducks wear to party's? A duck-sedo!
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage.