A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss.
You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
It was a hot summer night.
Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple...
I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
Q: Why does a dog lick himself?
A: He can't make a fist.
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
Question:
What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
A full bus of old men.
Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''.
I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'