A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called? A: A copycat!
Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A: A receding hare line.