Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. "Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills." "I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." "I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to." A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert - you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."
When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep? A wooly jumper.