The best animal jokes

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
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has 37.14 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, holiday
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
It was a hot summer night. Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple... I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, Thanksgiving
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, men
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