The best animal jokes

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, marriage, wife
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 37.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
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has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, money
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
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has 37.14 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
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has 36.97 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: animal, dinosaur, dirty, lesbian
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, cop, women
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, holiday
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
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