The best animal jokes

Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
has 38.25 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, cop, women
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, men
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, death, parrot
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde
One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?" A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."
has 38.03 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, student, teacher, white people
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
has 37.97 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.
has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
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