The best animal jokes

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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has 68.07 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, hunting, time
Q: What type of bees make milk? A: Boo-bees.
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has 67.85 % from 606 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, sex
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 67.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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has 67.76 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, black humor, food
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
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has 67.74 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, men, women
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
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