The best animal jokes

What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
Vote:
has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!" One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows." Farmer: "Not bunch, herd." Camper: "Heard what?" Farmer: "Of cows." Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows." Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd." Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, travel
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
Vote:
has 67.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, democrat, doctor, political
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
Vote:
has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?" The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo." "Oh my, which way is it heading?" "Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
Vote:
has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<31323334
More jokes →
Page 31 of 152.