The best animal jokes

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, soccer
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? A: They never want to log off.
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has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: animal, internet, money
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly. Tweet Share
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, golf, life, work
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
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has 65.73 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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has 65.65 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!
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has 65.63 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, vulgar, work
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
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