The best animal jokes

A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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has 67.17 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She called the police immediately to report the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder. She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning. "What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer. The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, cop, dog, work
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