The best animal jokes

Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
Vote:
has 67.32 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, disgusting
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Vote:
has 67.20 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, disgusting, money, music
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
Vote:
has 67.17 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
Vote:
has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Vote:
has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
Vote:
has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
Vote:
has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
Vote:
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Vote:
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
Vote:
has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<33343536
More jokes →
Page 33 of 153.