The best animal jokes

There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
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More jokes about: animal, fat, husband
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
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More jokes about: animal, life
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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More jokes about: animal, life, music
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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More jokes about: animal, celebrity, Chuck Norris, war
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
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More jokes about: animal, cat
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
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More jokes about: animal, weather
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
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More jokes about: animal, religious
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, food