The best animal jokes

Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, wedding
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Vote:
has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
Vote:
has 66.40 % from 573 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, kids, racist
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw... brought both paws together... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
Vote:
has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, atheist, christian, god, life
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, men, phone, women
<<<35363738
More jokes →
Page 35 of 153.