The best animal jokes

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, money
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
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has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
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has 66.34 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
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