The best animal jokes

A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”. The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?" "Yes, we are. Why you ask?" The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?" "Yes I am!" says the mom with pride. The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?" "Damn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?" The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, wedding
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, work
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
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has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex
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