How do you tell if a black girls pregnant?
Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear.
Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.
Which rabbit was in Western movies?
Hopalong Cassidy.
What goes black white black white...?
A penguin rolling down a hill!
What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."