The best animal jokes

Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? A: Charged With Battery.
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More jokes about: animal, prison
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
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More jokes about: animal, weather
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, food
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
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More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you". Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here". He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?" The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
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More jokes about: animal
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well. First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
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More jokes about: animal
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
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More jokes about: animal, coding, computer, IT