The best animal jokes

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
Vote:
has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, soccer
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Vote:
has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex
I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over. "You've given me one too many" I said. "That one is a freebie"
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.
Vote:
has 65.45 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: animal, dinosaur
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
Vote:
has 65.39 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
Vote:
has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
Vote:
has 65.20 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication, knock-knock
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
Vote:
has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
Vote:
has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
<<<37383940
More jokes →
Page 37 of 153.