The best animal jokes

Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, love
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee? A: In a nest-cafe!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird
Chuck Norris bit a spider once then it became Spiderman!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, parrot, technology
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
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