The best animal jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, wife
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse? Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, mean
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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has 66.15 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, dog, political
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
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has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, kids, little Johnny, vulgar
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
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has 65.86 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
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