The best animal jokes

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?  She thought children should be seen and not herded!
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
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has 66.60 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication, knock-knock
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
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has 66.56 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, disgusting, money, music
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.  In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
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has 66.56 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex, time
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there...
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, money
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