The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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has 66.72 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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has 66.71 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, black humor, food
What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
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has 66.69 % from 372 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, men, phone, women
Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear? The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal
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