The best animal jokes

Which big cat should you never play cards with? A cheetah.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, vulgar, work
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, food, stupid
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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has 67.64 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, dinosaur
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness." The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you." The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
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has 67.10 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, parrot
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
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