The best animal jokes

A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside. "We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off. One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream." "Okay, let's," said Toku. Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
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has 61.27 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
What are cows favorite party games? MOO-sical chairs.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, music
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today" The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes." "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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has 61.06 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, love, time
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
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