The best animal jokes

Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep. He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"? Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, redneck, sex, stupid
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
Vote:
has 60.60 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: animal
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?” The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, wife
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
What's a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<53545556
More jokes →
Page 53 of 153.