The best animal jokes

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
What's a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, ugly, work
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
Vote:
has 60.30 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: animal, mechanic, racist
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does a cow like to do by a campfire? Roast Moosmallows.
Vote:
has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<53545556
More jokes →
Page 53 of 153.