The best animal jokes

If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Vote: has 63.65 % from 117 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
Vote: has 63.65 % from 117 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, mechanic, racist
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Vote: has 63.56 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sex
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, ginger
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
White owl: who who. Black owl: who dat who dat.
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, racist
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
Vote: has 63.50 % from 601 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife