What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool.
Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?
He stung her into action.
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?
Lefty.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’
Boy: ‘I’m not.
I’m just holding it.
It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote:
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Vote:
"I’m in a big trouble!"
"Why is that?"
"I saw a mouse in my house!"
"Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap."
"I don’t have one."
"Well then, buy one."
"Can’t afford one."
"I can give you mine if you want."
"That sounds good."
"All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap."
"I don’t have any cheese."
"Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap."
"I don’t have oil."
"Well, then put only a small piece of bread."
"I don’t have bread."
"Then what is the mouse doing at your house?"