Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear.
The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans.
I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear.
I only have to outrun you."
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't."
"How do you know he isn t?"
"Because I am."
Q: What animal has the most kids.
A: A sperm whale.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Where do Russian cows come from?
Moscow.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."