A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
What gas do snails prefer? Shell.
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.