The best animal jokes

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
Vote:
has 59.90 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, old people
Q: What animal has the most kids. A: A sperm whale.
Vote:
has 59.89 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, kids
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee? A: In a nest-cafe!
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor. "Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly. "Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?" "Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"
Vote:
has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
Vote:
has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
Vote:
has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
Vote:
has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
Vote:
has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, life
What do cows do for entertainment? They go to the mooooovies.
Vote:
has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
<<<50515253
More jokes →
Page 50 of 153.