The best animal jokes

What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, money
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, coding, computer, IT
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
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has 61.94 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, soccer
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, money, music
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