The best animal jokes

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
Vote:
has 60.85 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, old people
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Vote:
has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, money
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
Vote:
has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: air force, animal, drunk
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Vote:
has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why is there no gambling in Africa? -Too many Cheetahs!
Vote:
has 60.74 % from 265 votes. More jokes about: animal
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, kids, little Johnny, vulgar
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
Vote:
has 60.60 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: animal
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?” The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, wife
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
<<<52535455
More jokes →
Page 52 of 153.