What do you call a rabbit who is real cool?
A hip hopper.
What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit?
A honey bunny.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place.
A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal.
Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Q: why did the cow cross the road?
A: So he could pass the milkyway.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
I threw a ball for my dog...
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
Vote:
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp.
The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here.
Hm.
How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door.
Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem.
See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack.