One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
What do cows do when they re introduced? They give each other a milk shake.
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.