A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive? A: OxFord.