The best animal jokes

Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? A: Charged With Battery.
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, prison
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."  The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, health
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
No chicken dies a virgin. They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, health
Where do rabbits go after their wedding? On their bunnymoon.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel, wedding
Which rabbits were famous bank robbers? Bunny and Clyde.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
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