The best animal jokes

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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More jokes about: animal, dirty, disgusting, fat
Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks
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What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
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More jokes about: animal, music
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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More jokes about: animal, communication, death, kids, Thanksgiving
Gay translation I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head. He's kinda cute. I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue! He's not my type. He won't sleep with me. I miss you so much I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good. I had a wonderful time last night. Who the hell are you? Do you love me? I've done something stupid and you might find out. Do you 'really' love me? I've done something stupid and you're going to find out. I'll give you a call. I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again. I've been thinking a lot. You're not as attractive as when I was drunk. I think we should just be friends. You're ugly. I've learned a lot from you. Next!!!!
Vote: has 55.17 % from 233 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, gay, love, masturbation, ugly
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Vote: has 55.13 % from 81 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, marriage
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Vote: has 55.11 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, math
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bible
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death


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