Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
Dog rules 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, it's yours.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.