The best animal jokes

A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
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Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
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What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
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What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
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One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
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Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
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Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
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Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
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A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
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Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
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