A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!". The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government? A: A civil serpent.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him... Get away from my nuts.
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.