Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark? A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.