The best animal jokes

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
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has 52.23 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, marriage, travel, wife
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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has 52.21 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, health
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
What is the definition of "moon"? The past tense of "moo"!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What is the definition of "derange"? De place where de cowboys ride.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
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