Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A: A snake in the brass.
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses? A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third fucking rooster I bought this month." Moral of this story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row. The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.