The best animal jokes

"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."
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has 54.89 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
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has 54.87 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
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has 54.83 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, racist
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."
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has 54.68 % from 377 votes. More jokes about: animal, golf, husband, money, sex
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, elephant
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, food
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn. He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat. He could only take one across at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn. How did he get them all safely over the stream? He took the goose over first and came back. Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back. Next he took the corn over. He came back alone and took the goose.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
Which day of the week do chickens hate most? Fry-day!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q. Why are fish so smart? Q. Why are fish so smart A. Because they swim in schools!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
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