If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.