The best animal jokes

Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, pirate
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, weather
Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing? A: Because he's a little hoarse.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw." "So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked. "One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up." The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?" "You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day? After a week he was spotless.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
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