How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive? A: OxFord.
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."