What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn. He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat. He could only take one across at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn. How did he get them all safely over the stream? He took the goose over first and came back. Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back. Next he took the corn over. He came back alone and took the goose.
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out. "Good God!" exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me." The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? Stegosaur-rust.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Q. Why are fish so smart? Q. Why are fish so smart A. Because they swim in schools!
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.