Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, go.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.